Middle Age Musings

Something very momentous happened this year.  I hit 50.  I’m not sure why they call it ‘hitting 50’, because it implies you are able to move fast enough to strike something with impact.  Possibly it is more the image of running into something that doesn’t move, and sort of just knocks you back on your somewhat less than firm rear-end.  Whatever the case, it happened.  And I was forced into admitting something I’ve more or less been in denial of:  I’m middle-aged.  I know, I know.  All but a very slim percentage of you are saying, “No kidding!  You had trouble admitting that!”  That small percentage are saying, “Don’t say it out loud!!”  It’s just that the term is so, well, for lack of anything more scholarly, BLAH.  Middle-age.  It sounds bland, boring, mediocre, worn out. Not young and vibrant, but not worthy of the respect that being elderly gets you.  But enough about the word itself, how about the situation?  

I finally realized that I am indeed halfway there.  I was forced to admit that even if I lived to the incredible age of 100, I was halfway through my life.  Halfway to dead.  That means that I am now officially on the downward slope.  The backside.  And here’s the kicker:  there was no day when someone woke me and said, “Hey Kerri!  You may want to get up and enjoy this day.  For today is the best day of your life.  From here on out, everything gets worse.  It doesn’t get any better than this.  You will never look better, feel better, or be sharper mentally.  You are at your peak.  Go out there and make the most of it.”  Nope, I did not know I was living my peak day.  I was oblivious.  I missed it.  I did not capitalize upon it, I did not take extra pictures, I did not take advantage of it in any way at all.  Had I known, well truthfully, I probably would have been depressed thinking, “You mean this is as good as I will ever be?  Well, rats. I expected better.”  How old was I?  I have no earthly idea.  When did the decline begin?  Couldn‘t tell you.  But it did start.  I have been slowly falling apart for some time now.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I try to not live my age.  One day when I was playing tennis, the woman I was on the court with let a ball go by, as it was out of her reach.  I looked at her, and she said sheepishly, “I would have had that in my younger days.”  I said to her, “Hey, in 10 years, today will be one of our younger days!  Let’s keep going after those balls while we still can!”  And I do…I will keep doing all I can while I can.  Other people my age have way more health issues than I have, and I feel blessed.  I have some complaints, sure, but they could be a whole lot worse.  But there is no denying that time is not kind to our bodies, or our minds.  Mostly our bodies.  That is why in this country we women, in particular, spend multi-millions, if not billions, of dollars on products designed to slow-down the aging process, or at lease disguise the effects of it. Skin care and cosmetics for our faces take our time and money. We have medicine cabinets full of drugs, both prescription and over the counter, curatives from health food stores and libraries full of recommendations from the experts to alleviate the aches and pains that aging causes to our muscles, bones and joints.  But let’s face it:  it is a losing battle.  We are NOT getting any better.  And although I disdain all the botox, plastic surgery, lifts, tucks and constant readjusting of one’s features to try to beat the ravages of time, I am pleased to announce that at the age of 50, I am having some work done.  The most effective work possible.

Pick your jaw up, close your mouth and open your Bible.  My life verse is Philippians 1:6  “  Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.”

That’s what I get excited about.  That’s what makes me smile, what gives me true joy.  I am confident, I am convinced, I am positive, I am sure, that God began to work in me when He saved me.  It is a good work, a positive work, a work with His own hands, for His purpose, for His glory.  This work that He is doing, it will not stop, He will perfect it, He will continue it, He will constantly be improving upon it up until the moment that I am reunited with Jesus Christ.  So while my outer shell may deteriorate, the body may grow weaker and less desirable and usable, God is working on my inner being to make me more like His Son.  As God works in me, my spirit becomes more beautiful, stronger, more like He intended me to be.  He will never, ever give up on me, never, ever set me aside as a project He grew weary of, bored of, or tired of.  In His eyes, I am not hopeless or useless.  I am His workmanship.  Sure, I make the task difficult at times, but He is patient and loving, and He has my whole life to work His work in me.

So my knees pop and my hips hurt.  My eyes don’t see as well and my hair is graying.  Soon my hearing will be affected, and I hear from some that even our taste buds are affected eventually.  Our memories aren’t as sharp and our energy declines.  But God is doing a work in me that transcends and exceeds what is happening on the outside.  Someone said, and I wish it had been me, ‘We live life as if we were human beings having a spiritual experience.  Rather we are spiritual beings having a human experience.”  This human experience is short, the spiritual experience is for eternity.  When we realize this, then we can focus not on what is happening on the outside, but on what God is doing on the inside, preparing us for eternity with Him.

Words

Words.  How important they are.  We use them to express our thoughts, our emotions, our ideas.  We speak them, sing them, write them, sign them with our hands and have multitudes of languages and symbols for them.  We use lights, sounds and even dance motions to convey them.  We dedicate volumes of books, libraries, buildings to contain our collections of these words that we value so dearly.  We honor men and women who eloquently express themselves through written word, whether it be truth or fiction, poetry or music, newsworthy or entertainment. Wars have been fought, lives have been taken and given over the right to freely express and read these words. Yet we can be so reckless, so careless with our own.

In the 15th chapter of Matthew, the Pharisees and scribes came to Jesus seeking to entrap Him.  Not a new endeavor for them, nor an easy task either.  They asked Jesus why His disciples broke the tradition of the elders by not washing their hands before they ate.  (No, really, they did.)  He responded by asking them why they also transgressed the commandment of God with their traditions.  (No, really, He did.)  I really wish I could have been there to have watched some of these exchanges, having the knowledge that I have, knowing that these arrogant, self-righteous men were trying to out maneuver God.  They were trying to back the Creator of the Universe in a corner and trick Him into saying something stupid.  It would be like watching Albert Einstein debate an 8th grader.  A really dumb 8th grader.

Then Jesus goes further in depth.  You see, God clearly commanded, He explains in verse four, that one is to honor their mother and father, and if one curses them they were to die.  But the Pharisees had changed God’s commandment, amended it,  that if you make a gift to the temple, then you don’t have to die.  He then calls them hypoctrites, teaching commandments of men as the doctrine of God.  In verses 10-20, He talks with the multitude and with His disciples more about this issue.  Listen to what He says:

“And He called the multitude, and said unto them, Hear, and understand:  Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man.”
Jesus was more concerned about what was coming out of their mouths than about what was going into their mouths.  And why was that?  Read on:

“But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man.  For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies: These are the things which defile a man;…”
I have spent the better part of my Christian life in a small world.  In a small church, in a small town.  My husband was self-employed, was a lay-youth pastor and I was a stay at home mom who home-schooled our three children.  We had a good life, traveled and interacted with lots of other churches and met lots of other people in our ministry.  Things are different now.  We are in a much larger church in a much larger city.  We are exposed to many, many more people.  John is working part-time in a large ministry that employs a large number of people and is interacting therefore with a large number of people.  I personally have had my eyes opened.  Wide.  Shockingly so.  I’ve always known that not everyone is kind and gentle.  I’ve run into my fair share of gossips, back-biters and those who sow discord among the brethren.  But in a small ministry, the number would also be few.  In a large ministry, well, the odds increase.  I guess I just always assumed they were a rarity.  I guess I thought mature Christians sort of out-grew that behavior.  Turns out some of them just get better at it.  Or maybe it should be bitter.  It can only be from a bitter heart that so many hateful words, cutting remarks,  and vicious gossip can be spewed.

When we open up our mouths, what comes out?  Why, what is in our heart proceeds out.  Some would be quick to say no to that, especially if the things were not too complimentary to them.  I would challenge anyone to carry a voice activated recorder around with them for a day or two and then listen to it.  What do you sound like?  What does it sound like is in your heart?  Is it the things that are listed in the verses we just read above?  Evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies?  Ewww.  I don’t want that heart.

What would the antithesis to this be?  Merciful thoughts, kindness, love, purity, goodness, honesty, praise.  Sounds an awful lot like the fruit of the Spirit to me.  How would one acquire this sort of heart?  Only by immersing oneself in the Word of God.  By pouring into ourselves daily the very words of our Father can we hope to drive out the bitter residue that is the world.  When we are in the Word, when the Word in in us, it is witnessed and evident in our speech, in our words.  His Word is in our words.

I know that this can sound somewhat judgmental.  That really isn’t my intent.  But I think it may have been Jesus’ intent.  Because when we open up our mouths, our words certainly judge us.  What we say speaks loudly and clearly about what is in our hearts.  We do not need anyone else to judge us, for we are judging ourselves every time we open up our mouths.  This morning I highlighted a verse in Proverbs 12:18, strictly for myself.  I will close by sharing it with you here.

There is that speaketh like the piercing of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health.

The Reason Why

I suppose this should have been my first blog; the reason why I would blog at all.  When I first began to hear of blogging, I was bewildered, then amused, then annoyed.  How totally egotistical.  Who would want to read someone’s online diary?  I mean, really, how many people do you know are living a life even remotely that interesting?  I would like to hear what my children and grandchildren were doing if they were far away and I would read of their daily happenings.  My siblings, and their families I would be interested to check in on, oh let’s say on a weekly basis.  Friends and co-workers would rate a weekly nod as well if we were close.  Distant relatives and friends from my past I might find warranted a glimpse if I were not able to find anything fascinating on HGTV  or the Food Network to watch.  But let’s be honest, unless you are a creepy type of voyeur who surfs the web for vicarious adventures, why would you read the blogs of complete strangers if all they did was recount their daily activities?  It’s like long-winded twittering.  If you’ve read my other blogs, I’m sure you might be wondering who high-jacked my lap-top, and with good reason.  Today is a different take for me.  Today, I am in a different state of mind.  Today I am chatting more from the head, and less from the heart.  Scary, because there is much less in my head than in my heart, I must confess!

But even though I had a less than favorable opinion of the blog world, excepting those who truly lived lives worth blogging about (missionaries for example) I found myself faced with somewhat of a dilemma.  I needed to start a blog.  To achieve a purpose separate from simply blogging, it became necessary.  In fact, a requirement.  So, I did it.  And actually found it wasn’t as bad as I thought.  It was easier than I had expected and I threw myself at it without too much preparation.  I decided not to investigate deeply what else was out there, for fear it would affect how I would write.  I made the choice to just be me.  To put out there what God laid on my heart.  After I had posted a couple of items, I ventured outside of my little blog box to find that it was pretty much what I had thought before.  Isn’t going to change what I will do with mine, though.  For like everything else, all that I do, all that I am belongs to Him.  My voice is His, my words are His.  I desire to be totally yielded to Him and want to use even this little space, this small corner for His glory.  I have absolutely no idea who, if anyone, reads.  It matters not, and following is why.

I have come to the place where I have fully accepted that I am unique and different.  For reasons I do not fully understand, but accept, God created me, designed me, on purpose, with purpose.  He had full knowledge and complete understanding of my entire life when He fashioned me, in my mother’s womb.  He gave me gifts, talents, skills and yes, even flaws and weaknesses that made me me.  At the moment of salvation, when the Holy Spirit entered into me, I received some unique gifts of the Spirit for the purpose of edifying the body of Christ.  He knew the course of my life, the choices I would make and the place that I would be right now.  All of these things have come together and I know that God wants me to write.  I love to write, I love to speak, I love to teach.  I’ve always wanted to.  He gave me a gift and a love for these things.  How He will use them is His choice.  How I surrender is mine.  I am surrendered, I am willing.

So, I will write.  I will be willing, I will be surrendered.  And when He touches me and asks me to speak, to teach someone, I will.  He opened the door for me for this tiny platform, so I will use it.  And like Jesus told His disciples, I feel Him telling me as well, “…take no thought beforehand what ye shall speak, neither do ye premeditate: but whatsoever shall be given you in that hour, that speak ye: for it is not ye that speak, but the Holy Ghost.” Mark 13:11 Granted, He was speaking of some more extreme situations, but it is the same Holy Spirit, with the same power. 

So while many blogs are about the glories of preparing for and finishing a triathlon, or sharing the trials and triumphs of  baby’s first year, mine will simply be sharing with readers things I am learning as I stumble through this life holding tightly to my Saviour’s hand.

Doubts and Questions

Doubts, questions.  We all have them, at one time or another.  When you have them, though, how do you respond to them?  Do you hide them, deny that they are there?  Do you feel guilty about them or believe that you are alone?  I know that this is something that I’ve had difficulties talking about in my past with people for the simple reason that it seems to be something that would shock or possibly cause people to lose respect for me.  As a new believer, it’s quite all right to have questions, big questions.  Ask away, by all means, we welcome your questions.  Doubts?  Bring them, we expect them.  But a seasoned Christian better not have any deep questions, or doubts, or reasons to ponder anything they’ve ever believed or been taught.  Right?

Maybe, maybe not.  If you really think that, you will have some major issues with the 11th chapter of Matthew, and a man who goes by the title of John the Baptist.  He sent some of his disciples to Jesus with a question, two-fold, actually.  It was pretty straight to the point, “Art thou he that should come, or do we look for another?”  Hello?  What?  John the Baptist questioning whether Jesus was the Christ?  This was the man who had spent his entire adult life preaching the coming of the Messiah, and when he saw Him approaching said, “Behold the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sins of the world.”  But here he is, questioning whether he had preached the wrong message.  Had he pointed to the wrong man?  What could have possibly brought such deep doubts to a man who had given his entire life, left home and family, risked everything to a sole purpose such as this?  Well, let’s consider where he was.  John had been thrown into prison, and not a prison of 21st century standards, for speaking truth.  He was hated by those in authority already for preaching the gospel, but to speak out against the blatant sins of Herod he was imprisoned and was in danger of death.  The leaders of his people would not come to his aid.  Word of the miracles that Jesus was performing filtered in to him through his disciples, yet John sits in a cell alone and confused, a man of the wilderness, confined to a dark dank cell.

How often have we wondered why?  Why do we see others’ prayers answered, and we wait and wait and God seems to not even acknowledge us?  We wonder if He even knows we are there.  We wonder if we are worthy of His attention.  Is it something we’ve done?  Is it something we haven’t done?  What is the problem?  Why don’t things seem to change?  So we doubt, we question, just like John.   “Are You who You say You are?”  And we wait for an answer.  Will He answer?

In my Bible I highlighted two simple words in verse four of chapter 11. They say ’Jesus answered…’  I guess sometimes that’s just what I need to know.  That He did, that He does, and that He will.  How He answered John was like this, “Go and shew John again those things which ye do hear and see: The blind receive their sight, and the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, and the deaf hear; the dead are raised up, and the poor have the gospel preached to them.”  Basically Jesus just was reminding John of Who He was, He was referring to some prophecies that were being fulfilled that were quite familiar to the imprisoned man.  It was enough to salve any doubts that John may have had, enough to reassure him.  It is worthy to note that John was not miraculously sprung from his cell, but actually was beheaded not long after.  Discouraging to some, maybe, but God deemed it worthy for us to know what transpired during this time of John’s life.  What exactly was it that we need to know?  I take away this:

There are going to be times in my life when I am in such dire circumstances that I am going to have some serious questions, even doubts.  Questions and doubts about myself, my role, my importance.  I will wonder if I matter to God, if He seriously cares about me, if He hears me, if what I believe that I know about Him is right and true.  If any of ‘this’ is for real.  From the simplest question of ‘Are You there, God?’, to the complex, ‘Why am I here, God?’, I will have questions.  And even if I don’t get absolute complete answers, He will acknowledge me, and answer me with at least this much, the same way He answered John.  “I am Who I have always said I am.  Look back and remember what I’ve done, I never change.”

As I write this, a young couple I know and care about have been waiting for the results of medical tests on their one year old baby boy.  After going through and triumphing over cancer with their three-year old daughter, this trial is almost more than they can bear.  To face the possibility of cystic fibrosis is overwhelming this family and we are praying for God to spare them this burden. The question of Why was foremost in minds of those who were praying.  On a more human level, it was more like, ’Are you kidding me, God?’  I could tell you the results right here.  Negative? Praise God!  He is merciful and gracious.  Prayers were answered. Or :  Positive? God’s grace will be lived out in their lives as we watch Him work in their hearts to show His power and strength in ways they’ve never yet experienced. I know the answer, but regardless of the outcome, His answer is ultimately the same: I am Who I am.  And for every negative medical test result, someone else has a positive result.  I, for one, rejoice that I know One who remains faithful and ever present despite our response to our circumstances.

I guess what I take away from John’s time of questioning and doubting is this:  even the best of us will wonder.  It helps that after Jesus sends John’s disciples back to him with a message, that He says of John, “Verily I say unto you, Among them that are born of women there hath not risen a greater that John the Baptist “  Pretty high praise for one who had just questioned whether he had just wasted his entire life proclaiming the wrong man as Messiah!  Times of great trial and rough circumstances will cause us to question, but we have a Lord who is full of mercy, is longsuffering and  is compassionate towards us, who understands what it is like to be tried and tired.  He knows what it is to be full of heartache and sorrow, to be rejected and scorned, to be falsely accused, to be hated; he feels our pain.  And He loves us.  And all He says is to remember again the things that we have seen and heard.

My New Bible

My New Bible

     I don't know about you, but I'm not one to go about buying new Bibles frequently.  There are some people who have several, and love the idea of buying a new one every time they get the opportunity.  Me, I find one I like and keep it until the pages are literally falling out.  Which is exactly what was happening to mine.  In fact, over the course of the last 35 years or so, I've owned exactly three.  In my mind, I've pictured each one going to each one of my children when I die. (Morose, I know.)  Recently, I reached the conclusion that I had to get a new Bible.  One reason was the 31st chapter of Proverbs kept slipping out, which in my opinion if something was going to fall out, well, so be it.  The next was the sunshine here in Florida must have caused the ink on the pages to shrink because in the last six years it has gotten even harder for me to see those itty bitty letters. But I really hated to give it up.  

     My Bible is so personal to me.  It is marked, it is worn, it is comfortable, familiar.    It is to me like a favorite pair of jeans is to some, or a particularly worn pair of slippers, or robe, or nasty old recliner.  You get the picture, don't you?  It is mine, and although it seems like it really should be replaced, I just don't want to let it go.  It was full of memories; marked by tears, moments of joy and illumination from the Holy Spirit.  Incredibly intimate moments.  You don't just replace that with some upstart fresh book hot off the press.  But I reluctantly added 'New Bible' to my Christmas list last year, and gave my family some directives of what I was hoping for.  

     Christmas morning came and I received not one, but two new Bibles!  One from each of my sons.  One was a very in depth study Bible, the other a beautiful wide margin just right for my personal reading.  How incredible was that?  One for studying and writing, the other for my personal devotions.  

     So there I was, January 1, 2010, with my new Bible; untouched, unmarked, unloved, somewhat impersonal feeling.  I decided to do something I had not done in several years.  In order to make this Bible mine, to put my own personal mark, feel upon it, I would read it cover to cover.  Front to back, start to finish.  I've got to be honest with you and say that the days that I spent in Leviticus and Numbers were rough.  Deuteronomy got sticky as well!  But what helped is that Psalms and Proverbs are daily reading, no matter where I am.  I believe that you need praise and wisdom every day, year round!  I spent all those years in the wilderness with Moses and his crew, struggled with David and all the kings, watched God take Israel in and out of captivity.  I watched, in utter amazement as always, as the children of God turned away from Him again and again as He extended His hand of mercy over and over.  I read through the prophets, both major and minor, looking for glimpses of what I knew was coming.  

     Reading through the Word of God in this way is difficult, yet very enlightening.  We, as New Testament Christians, have the benefit of seeing clearly through the eyes of fulfilled prophecy what the Old Testament saints were only able to envision and hope for.  I found myself wanting to rush through, skip passages, even whole chapters, wanting to jump into the New Testament; I missed being with Jesus.  I wanted to get back to reading the scriptures where grace abounded, forgiveness flowed, mercy is free. But I had to wait, had to get through Malachi.  Then I paused.  There is a blank page there you know. 

     For me it is a blank page, for Israel it was so much more; that blank page was 400 years of silence.  400 years.  Silence.  I cannot imagine going a day without hearing from the Lord.  If God said to me, "Kerri, I'm going away for a day.  I'll be back, but tomorrow, you are on your own.  I'll be back day after tomorrow.  You'll be fine."   Nope, no way.  Not going to happen.  It You are going somewhere, I'm going with You, God.  A day?  How about 400 YEARS? 

     But then, those 400 years were up.  The blank page was turned.  And Jesus showed up.  Wow.  Everything changed.  When I finally began to read Matthew, I felt like I was drinking ice cold water after being in a desert for three days.  I soaked in His words at the sermon on the mount.  What a difference from the prophets.  No wonder the people were amazed and said, "Never a man spake like this man." 

     I am back in the New Testament now, and am looking forward to finishing up my new Bible before the year is out.  It will be my Bible.  It has already been marked by tears, it has been marked by my pen as well.  God has comforted me in sorrow through it, He has encouraged me through it, He has rebuked me and corrected me also.  I have found great moments of rejoicing in it, I have praised Him, I have fallen more deeply in love with Him, and have been reminded again and again of how much He loves me and cares for me.

      In the front of this Bible I wrote the date of the passing of my Daddy, but also the birth of my second granddaughter and will add the date of the birth of my second grandson.  Some day, I know, this Bible too will have to be replaced by yet another.  The reason for this is because no matter how often I read it, my need for its words never lessens, only deepens.  The more often I reach for it, the more  I want it, the more I know of it, I more I desire it. Therefore, as long as I breathe, I will continue to need a new Bible.

 

Fighting the Giant

                                      Fighting the Giant

    How many times have we heard the story told of David and Goliath?  How many ways have we heard it told?  Dramatically, with flannel-graph, through puppets, stoically by a pastor with a reverent point; so many ways but always with the same satisfying end.  David standing over the dead body of the evil giant, good triumphant over bad as well it should be, right?  It is a wonderful story, ah, but not just a story.  That we should always keep in mind.  It is an historic event, recorded for us in the pages of God’s Word.  When we fail to remember that, when we see it as a child’s tale, we diminish the significance of it in our own lives.  Let us recap it once again, just to refresh our memories.  Certain points are crucial to my intent.
    Saul and the men of Israel were being held in a valley by the Philistines, and specifically by their champion, a giant by the name of Goliath.  Each morning and evening this giant of a man would come out and taunt the Israelites with insults.  Assaulting them with words of scorn, attacking their ears and egos with personal insults he beat them into quivering puddles of fear.  This great army that had seen so many victories in the past were stymied in a valley, rendered completely ineffective by nothing more than words.  From the mouth of a man well over nine feet tall, to be sure, but words nonetheless.  The small army of Israel had gone up against armies multiplied over and again bigger than themselves in their history, and been victorious.  But obviously had forgotten.  But David had not forgotten.  He showed up on the scene, a lad, a youth, with the nerve not only to chastise his brothers and his king’s army, but also to challenge the giant. 
    Standing up before this giant he lays the battle at God’s feet.  Giving God the glory for his past victories of killing a lion and a bear with his bare hands, he once again relies on the strength of God, not his own.  I Samuel 17:47:         “ …for the battle is the Lord’s..”
    I, too, have been held captive in a valley, listening to the echoes of my own giant’s voice hurling the accusations, insults and taunts at me.  He is standing over my bed when I awake in the morning, he follows me throughout my day, and stands over me as I fall asleep.  He even has the nerve to disturb my sleep at times.  Relentless in his attacks, his tenacity is unbelievable.  He knows my weaknesses and deepest fears and he capitalizes upon them. My life is affected deeply, relationships damaged and I feel spiritually ineffective.  It’s as though I am but a youth, and he the champion with years of experience.  And is that not the truth of it? 
    The reality of this situation is that this giant did not start out as a giant, but as  a much smaller ‘situation’.  I, sadly, allowed it to grow into what it has become.  I fed it with my fears and insecurities and worst of all my lack of faith.  By listening to the lies of the enemy, I shut out the truth.  You really can only hear one voice at a time, and I was focused on the wrong one.  The enemy, Satan, has this uncanny ability to disguise his voice to sound like so many others; even voices I know and love.  Those voices are the voices that hurt the worst, the ones I chose to listen to instead of the voice of my Father.   The doubts and fears that already were inside of me fertilized and grew my giant into something I no longer had the strength to fight.  So, down into the valley I went, and there I stayed.
    I began to notice everything looked different from down there.  My relationships, my activities, even my relationship with Christ.  My neck began to ache from constantly looking up, trying to see a way out, so I just stared at the ground.  That’s no way out, is it?  The only way out is to defeat that giant who stood there, never quiet, relentless.  I was no match for him.   Hopelessness began to creep in. 
    But then I remembered David.  “The battle is the Lord’s.”  So, one morning I gave it up.  The fight, that is.  I released it to God, and just told Him, “ Lord, I cannot do this.  I admit that there is absolutely nothing I can do to fix this.  I cannot win, no matter how hard I try.  Only You are capable of winning this, of fixing this.  You are God, You are at work here, there and everywhere.  I give you complete control.  I will no longer listen to the voice of the liar, I will only listen to You.  I chose to listen to You and You alone.”  The relief was amazing.  Did the situation resolve itself miraculously, immediately?  Unfortunately no.  But I was absolved of the responsibility, for I had released it to God.  And whenever I heard the voice of the giant, I noticed it was smaller and quieter, and when I rebuked him, he got smaller and quieter.  He still tries, and I still rebuke.  He is still tenacious.
    What is your giant?  What have you allowed to become that giant in your life that is there when you awake, plagues you throughout the day, and disturbs your sleep at night?  It is affecting your relationships with your loved ones, your job, your leisure, your church or ministry life, even your walk with God.  Decide right now that you are going to give God the control of it, power over it and release it to Him.  And when that giant shows up again to bug you, remind him that God is in control and he needs to go see Him with any issues he has.  Go to God’s Word and remind yourself of who you are in Christ.  Drive out the lies with the truth. 
    God Bless.